Archive for December 31st, 2007

Two Steps Forward and One Step Back

Monday, December 31st, 2007

Caution Step

photo by Esther17

Today I pick up DS so I can take him to the bank. The $528 rent is due and he needs to transfer his SSI money from his savings to his checking and get some cash for pocket money for the month of January. I could really do his banking for him, but I want him to handle what he can for himself. If I had my preferences I would do it all online and get him a debit card, but he has always been too paranoid of online banking and debit cards.

Before we leave the personal care home, the owner CA shows me the water bills. Sure enough, there is a $30 and 4000 gallon difference between November and December. I try to negotiate down to $25 reminding CA of certain extenuating circumstances. Unfortunately DS is in a mood to argue every point, so I just say to CA, “I’ll call you” and hussle DS out of the place.

The one-hour car ride back to Cherokee County was very unpleasant. I cannot count the number of times DS called me an idiot and said he hates me. I shocked myself by breaking down crying and then shouting at him. I can not believe how quickly he got through my shell. I can only guess that I was beginning to think of DS as normal and treat him as normal, all because Thanksgiving, Christmas and the month of December went so well. I am really hurting today.

There’s only one thing of interest to report today. Try Googling “memory impairment in schizophrenia” and you will get 1100 results. DS could not remember the wash, wash, wash conversation we had and he said he also does not remember the drugs being all over everything last June. He says things were just dirty. Once one thing has gone wrong with the brain, is it a surprising thing if another thing goes wrong? Or is it merely being so preoccupied with the other symptoms that affects the memory? More likely from what I have read, schizophrenia is so cataclysmic to the brain, nothing should surprise me.

The tic or twitch in the shoulder was back today with it extending all the way down his arm. His hand was trembling at times. This was happening two hours after we had both calmed down.

The only good news to report is that CA avers that DS continues to be polite and nice around the home. She said she was shocked by the side she saw of him today. Also, the 20-year old bipolar young man was moving out today. He was calling CA a *itch, and she would not put up with it. I reminded DS of the other personal care homes we visited, that were not as nice. We will see if he stays on his best behavior with CA.